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"I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights."
Hair
"I was born nine months premature."
Months
"I'm convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb - they diffused it."
Military
"My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings."
Girlfriend
"I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road."
Driving
"At Motel 6 in Amish Country I wonder if they leave the light on for you?"
Country
"A guy gave me a job at an information booth - no questions asked."
Information
"I went to a urologist - he told me I could go at any time."
Time
"My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless."
Boss
"After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride."
Cause
More
"I enjoy hats. And when one has filthy hair, that is a good accessory."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Benji usually tries to match his hair with his underwear, and you know how he had the pink hair for a while well we caught him in a pink thong one day!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"The beautiful uncut hair of graves."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I used to have a sort of spiky haircut and it just feels better to have short hair again."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In mainstream romantic comedies, I'm usually tearing my hair out. It's just a devastatingly difficult genre for me."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Hair style is the final tip-off whether or not a woman really knows herself."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Dirt makes a man look masculine. Let your hair blow in the wind, and all that. It's OK. All you have to do is look neat when you have to look neat."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's been fascinating watching all those pictures of me with a lot more hair Jeremy, and looking very young. And we've all got things we've said, twenty, thirty years ago, indeed the whole world has changed since then."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I had beautiful wavy hair and a waxed mustache."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I must say also that it's never worked to my disadvantage that I have long, blond hair."
Author Name
Personal Development
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