"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."

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"I don't plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet."

Exlpore more Old quotes

"You can always tell an old soldier by the inside of his holsters and cartridge boxes. The young ones carry pistols and cartridges; the old ones, grub."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

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"We owned a bearded collie for many years. Sophie. She was old, and she died last year."

Erika Slezak, American Actress

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"I put a Phrygian cap on the old dictionary."

Victor Hugo, French Author

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"There's the young Jon Voight and the old Jon Voight."

Jon Voight, American Actor

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"Old and young disbelieve one another's truths."

Mason Cooley, American Writer

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"You must not pity me because my sixtieth year finds me still astonished. To be astonished is one of the surest ways of not growing old too quickly."

Sidonie Gabrielle Colette, French Novelist

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"I long to be in the Field again, doing my part to keep the old flag up, with all its stars."

Joshua Chamberlain, American Soldier

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"To be honest, I look at my Pinball program and feel that it is old stuff. I could do much better."

Bill Budge, American Businessman

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"It brings up happy old days when I was only a farmer and not an agriculturist."

O. Henry, American Writer

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"If you don't learn to laugh at troubles, you won't have anything to laugh at when you grow old."

Edward W. Howe, American Novelist

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Explore more quotes by Rita Rudner

"Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them."

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"My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to."

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"Marriages don't last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?"

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"Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage - they've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

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"Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: 'This looks much better on.' On what? On fire?"

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"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult."

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"When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always."

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"I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought jewelry."

Men

"Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid."

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"Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in."

Men