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"When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away."
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"Ronald Reagan used to alarm his Soviet counterparts by saying that surely they'd both unite against an invasion from Mars."
"Fat is a way of saying no to powerlessness and self-denial."
"I just think that all of us in this room should have a voice in how the USA is represented. And he don't allow us our voice, that's all I'm saying."
"There was a lot of stress and assumptions made without me even saying anything, which was very upsetting."
"The function of a briefing paper is to prevent the ambassador from saying something dreadfully indiscreet. I sometimes think its true object is to prevent the ambassador from saying anything at all."
"I wouldn't write a book, because saying the word I over and over again would nauseate me."
"The camera is interested in what you are thinking as opposed to just what you are doing or saying."
"Matisse was very clear about saying that you have to blow your own trumpet and explain yourself, which I think has been slightly forgotten."
"I don't believe what the papers are saying They're just out to capture my dime, Exaggerating this, exaggerating that."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
"I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, "You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit." As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit."
"You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something."
"Every time I go and shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving. So I say, 'I'm gonna go shave, too.'"
"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."
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