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Explore more quotes by George Carlin
"I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it."
""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"
"When you're born you get a ticket to the freak show. When you're born in America, you get a front row seat."
"There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi."
Exlpore more Lifestyle quotes
"Some days you live in pajamas, and your hair kind-of has that Albert Einstein look."
"You can either buy clothes or buy pictures," she said. "It's that simple. No one who is not very rich can do both. Pay no attention to your clothes and no attention at all to the mode, and buy your clothes for comfort and durability, and you will have the clothes money to buy pictures."
"The bed is just a decoration in a busy man's bedroom."
"Bad taste creates many more millionaires than good taste."
"Luckily, I always travel with a book, just in case I have to wait on line for Santa, or some such inconvenience."
"I had never been a dresser. My shirts were all faded and shrunken, 5 or 6 years old, threadbare. My pants the same. I hated department stores, I hated the clerks, they acted so superior, they seemed to know the secret of life, they had a confidence I didn't possess. My shoes were always broken down and old, I disliked shoe stores too. I never purchased anything until it was completely unusable, and that included automobiles. It wasn't a matter of thrift, I just couldn't bear to be a buyer needing a seller, seller being so handsome and aloof and superior. Besides, it all took time, time when you could just be laying around and drinking."
"An indoor man eats nothing, except that which is prepared and served by his mother with lots of insults, an outdoor man eats that which he buys, prepares, served and eaten with lots of respect."
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