""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"

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""I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?"

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"Hey, any idea why Australians speak something that sounds deceptively like English but isn't? I mean, I'm trying to figure out why I can't seem to converse with another human being who speaks the same language as I do."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

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"Proletarian language is dictated by hunger. The poor chew words to fill their bellies."

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"If the tongue had not been framed for articulation, man would still be a beast in the forest."

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"Thou shalt not use the 140 characters limit as an excuse for bad grammar and/or incorrect spelling."

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"But language is wine upon his lips."

Virginia Woolf, British Author

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"A cliche is everything you've ever heard of."

Janet Fitch, American Author

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"A lexicographer a writer of dictionaries a harmless drudge."

Samuel Johnson, English Author

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"The greater part of the world's troubles are due to questions of grammar."

Michel de Montaigne, French Philosopher

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"Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use."

Mark Twain, American Author

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"All choice of words is slang. It marks a class. "There is correct English: that is not slang. "I beg your pardon: correct English is the slang of prigs who write history and essays. And the strongest slang of all is the slang of poets."

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Explore more quotes by George Carlin

"I had no shoes, and I felt sorry for myself until I met a man who had no feet. I took his shoes. Now I feel better."

Humor

"I bet you anything that 10 times out of 10, Nicky, Vinny and Tony will beat the shit out of Todd, Kyle and Tucker."

Strategy

"I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up."

Philosophy

"Once you leave out all the bullshit they teach you in school, life gets really simple."

Life

"It's important in life if you don't give a shit. It can help you a lot."

Philosophy

"You're just another american who is willfully ignorant of the big red, white and blue dick being shoved up your asshole every day... The owners of this country know the truth... it's called the American dream because you have to be asleep to believe it!"

Politics

"No matter how you care to define it, I do not identify with the local group. Planet, species, race, nation, state, religion, party, union, club, association, neighborhood improvement committee; I have no interest in any of it. I love and treasure individuals as I meet them, I loathe and despise the groups they identify with and belong to."

Philosophy

"I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect."

Hell

"Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It's because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time."

Society

"There are no bad words. Bad thoughts. Bad intentions, and wooooords."

Expression