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Bert Williams

"The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and laugh at his own misfortune."

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"The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and laugh at his own misfortune."

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Amber Hurdle

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

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"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

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Amber Hurdle

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

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"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

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Amber Hurdle

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

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Amber Hurdle

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

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Amber Hurdle

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

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Amber Hurdle

"A good joke doesn't necessarily need appreciation from others. One can freely laugh at one's own deserving jokes."

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Amber Hurdle

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

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Amber Hurdle

"Vampires. Honestly, they're like children sometimes."

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Bert Williams
"I have never been able to discover anything disgraceful in being a colored man. But I have often found it inconvenient - in America."
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"I named all my children after flowers. There's Lillie and Rose and my son, Artificial."
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Bert Williams
"The man with the real sense of humor is the man who can put himself in the spectator's place and laugh at his own misfortune."
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