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"Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises."
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"After a fellow gets famous it doesn't take long for someone to bob up that used to sit by him in school."
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Personal Development
"I'm famous. That's my job."
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Personal Development
"Duke Ellington was famous for hs very original harmonic patterns."
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Personal Development
"It isn't necessary to be rich and famous to be happy. It's only necessary to be rich."
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Personal Development
"I try to become more humble and more myself with every year. There was a while when I got famous where I was so confused and my head was spinning."
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Personal Development
"King Crimson were the only really famous band I'd been in."
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Personal Development
"The Bronx is famous for two things. Hip-hop, and 26 world championships."
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Personal Development
"In Germany I am not so famous."
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Personal Development
"A very quiet and tasteful way to be famous is to have a famous relative. Then you can not only be nothing, you can do nothing too."
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Personal Development
"If I wanted to be famous, I could have been famous before."
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Personal Development
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"There's many times this year I've sat back and thought, I'm making a living from making things up. It's the only skill I have so I've been really lucky."
Thought
"Onstage I do all the stuff I'd never do in real life, like lashing out at people who make me mad or freaking out in a long bank lineup. Performing allows me to fulfill all the sicko fantasies I've ever had."
Life
"My most important professional accomplishment to date is the ability to keep working with absolutely no skills whatsoever."
Ability
"The Beatles, Rolling Stones, Barbra Streisand, Bruce Springsteen, these are just some of the people who threatened to sue if we used their songs."
People
"Hey, Ryan, if Sting retires, will he change his name to Stung?"
Change
"Please call your second witness, and then call your mother, she worries."
Mother
"Our top story tonight: Famous TV dolphin flipper was arrested today on prostitution ring charges. He allegedly was seen transporting two 16 year olds across state line for immoral porpoises."
Famous
"I think the challenge is going out in front of a paying audience with absolutely nothing and trying to entertain them for two hours. Thankfully, I only think about that right before we go on, and then once we're out there, everything's fine."
Challenge
"When I'm on stage, it's a little world I've created where I'm sort of the thing, so I have total control over everything that happens. When we're improvising, I'm with someone I totally trust. I know things are going to work out. I don't have those guarantees in life. There are no consequences on stage."
Work
"Well, it seems all the fish in the rivers are dying. Could this be an act of cod?"
Act
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