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"I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking."
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"I'm doing 5000 seat theaters and audiences are going nuts, it's fantastic and it makes me very happy. I'm dirty, but not like this; I just do comedy that I find funny. I'm working on a new tv show for cable and it's not set up yet."
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Personal Development
"It's funny; I actually made poorer decisions when I sobered up then when I was screwed up."
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Personal Development
"It was a JOB; the video show was a JOB; you don't tell the Aristocrats joke at 8 o'clock at night on network tv, it would be funny though. But those guys know I like dirty stuff, I like clean stuff too."
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Personal Development
"Of course, the wind sort of swept up and the music was flying around in mid air and they were trying to play off it. You had to be there. It was quite funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It's funny how the music industry is enraged about the Internet and the way things are copied without being paid for. But you know why people steal the music? Because they can't afford the music."
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Personal Development
"I am odd-looking. I sometimes think I look like a funny Muppet."
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Personal Development
"I never thought I was funny, but I enjoy being funny."
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Personal Development
"Only man has dignity; only man, therefore, can be funny."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My friend had a funny remark; he told me everybody has something - some people have a big butt, some people are insecure and at least you know what it is, even if it's a lump on your head. I know I have a lump on my head."
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Personal Development
"It's so funny whenever things come full circle."
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"I do dumb stuff, like playing my favorite dumb Barry White song and lip-synching into the mirror so it looks like his voice is coming out of my mouth."
Dumb
"I used to live a very social life and never spend much solitary time looking at birds or reading."
Life
"Humor is such a wonderful thing, helping you realize what a fool you are but how beautiful that is at the same time."
Humor
"Love is an exploding cigar we willingly smoke."
Love
"In life there are always these things happening if you can just get the joke."
Life
"I need to be cheered up a lot. I think funny people are people who need to be cheered up."
Funny
"I am not sure how much I would like being married if I wasn't married to him. A man who likes flea markets and isn't gay? I knew I was lucky."
Being
"I listen like mad to any conversation taking place next to me just trying to hear why this is funny. Women's restrooms are especially great. I wash my hands twice waiting for people to come in and start talking."
Funny
"I've gotten a lot of livid letters about the awfulness of my work. I've never known what to make of it. Why do people bother to write if they hate what I do?"
Work
"If it is your time, love will track you down like a cruise missile."
Love
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