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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Personal Development
More

"Being known for musicals is a great thing."
Being

"A girl can tell I like her when I blush or start telling bad jokes."
Blush

"One time I went into a restroom and a girl followed me in. I signed an autograph for her in the sink. It was pretty funny because she was in a guy's restroom and she wasn't embarrassed at all."
Funny

"Honestly, if the worst these people can say about me is that I'm gay, then I think I'll be fine. I can handle it."
People

"I don't know if I believe in love at first sight, but of course I believe in two people having chemistry right away. A girl should be really easy to talk to. When I lose track of time because we've been talking, I think that's really fun."
Love

"From day one, I got addicted to being on stage and getting the applause and laughter."
Applause

"I grew up being into sports and I wasn't trained to move my body in the right way for dancing. I'm the last one to get any moves correct. In rehearsals it's always, 'OK, one more take for Zac.'"
Sports

"I think it's fine for girls to ask boys out. I actually prefer it."
Boys

"I wore goofy hats to school and did musical theater. Most people thought I was a dork. But if you have a sense of humor about it, no one can bring you down."
Humor

"In sixth grade, my basketball team made it to the league championships. In double overtime, with three seconds left, I rebounded the ball and passed it - to the wrong team! They scored at the buzzer and we lost the game. To this day, I still have nightmares!"
Basketball
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