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Mitch Hedberg

"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."

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"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."

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Akiroq Brost

"Journalists are like dogs, when ever anything moves they begin to bark."

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Akiroq Brost

"The trees in Siberia are miles apart, that is why the dogs are so fast."

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Akiroq Brost

"I don't have pets, I have two guard dogs; and I don't do my own shopping; it's a security thing."

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Akiroq Brost

"I have four dogs, four horses, a cat, and a bunch of wild frogs."

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Akiroq Brost

"Any man who does not like dogs and want them about does not deserve to be in the White House."

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Akiroq Brost

"Sometimes you have to understand that you push ahead, there's going to be a lot of flak, there's going to be a lot of dogs barking, but the wagon train moves ahead."

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Akiroq Brost

"I am from Brooklyn, NY, so we could not have many pets, but I always had at least two dogs."

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Akiroq Brost

"I just couldn't live without dogs."

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Akiroq Brost

"We had five goats, two dogs, a cat and racks of commentaries on Shakespeare."

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Akiroq Brost

"Dogs never bite me. Just humans."

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"If my kid couldn't draw I'd make sure that my kitchen magnets didn't work."
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"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
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"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
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"Bologna is a deli meat for people with eyes."
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"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
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"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."
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"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."
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"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
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