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Exlpore more Dogs quotes
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs."
"Never chain your dogs together with sausages. One must accustom one's self to be bored."
"I've got nine kids, nine dogs, three grandkids - and one in the oven. And three parrots!"
"My dogs are a priority and a big responsibility... but the payoffs are well worth it."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."
"Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down."
"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."
"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
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