"Build a man a fire and he'll be warm for the night. Set a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."

"Eight years involved with the nuclear industry have taught me that when nothing can possible go wrong and every avenue has been covered, then is the time to buy a house on the next continent."

"I didn't go to university. Didn't even finish A-levels. But I have sympathy for those who did."

"Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page."

"Over the centuries, mankind has tried many ways of combating the forces of evil... prayer, fasting, good works and so on. Up until Doom, no one seemed to have thought about the double-barrel shotgun. Eat leaden death, demon."

"'Educational' refers to the process, not the object. Although, come to think of it, some of my teachers could easily have been replaced by a cheeseburger."

"Mind you, the Elizabethans had so many words for the female genitals that it is quite hard to speak a sentence of modern English without inadvertently mentioning at least three of them."

"I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it."

"Go on, prove me wrong. Destroy the fabric of the universe. See if I care."

"I have, before now, waited for a pen to perform a macro."

"If it wasn't for the fun and money, I really don't know why I'd bother."

"Freedom without limits is just a word."

"Never trust any complicated cocktail that remainds perfectly clear until the last ingredient goes in, and then immediately clouds."

"My experience in Amsterdam is that cyclists ride where the hell they like and aim in a state of rage at all pedestrians while ringing their bell loudly, the concept of avoiding people being foreign to them."

"I think perhaps the most important problem is that we are trying to understand the fundamental workings of the universe via a language devised for telling one another when the best fruit is."

"Opera happens because a large number of things amazingly fail to go wrong."

"This isn't life in the fast lane, it's life in the oncoming traffic."