"Being rich is an untalented artist's consolation prize."

"We sometimes try to impress people we just met by not trying to impress them."

"High heels are a short (theist) woman's (subconscious) way of telling God to go to hell - in public."

"As a subconscious attempt to add meaning or purpose to their life: The unemployed pray for a job, the retired pray for grandchildren."

"For their holidays: the rich's kids travel the world, the poor's kids roam around their grandparents' yard."

"Distinctive facial features of a parent are poor people's paternity test."

"The primary goal of a righteous parent who has a daughter is to minimize the number of boys and men for whom their daughter will have willingly opened her legs come her wedding day; the closer to zero, the more righteous they will seem."

"Not every person that speaks less than you do is more ignorant than you are."

"We're all geniuses. Life is merely overpopulated with singers who play drums, and, drummers who sing, to pay rent."

"A killer is someone who killed another without their country's permission."

"A historian is a risk-terrified prophet."

"To ask a man whether or not he has a girlfriend is to talk about his sex life. If you disagree with that, then how in the name of God do you differentiate between a man's girlfriend and a girl that is a friend to the man?"

"You cannot sensibly expect a starving 'God-fearing' man to honor the 8th commandment."

"Employment is the exploitation of the employer's courage, and, the employed's fear of failure."

"Generally, men prefer dating women they love over women who love them; women prefer the opposite."

"Chomie' is South African homosexual men's unofficial name."

"Retirement is the menopause of an employee's mind and hands."

"With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles."

"A diploma is a piece of paper that is used to acquire another piece of paper: an employment contract."

"When ready to settle down: women are more interested in where the man is going, men are more interested in where the woman has been."

"Once employed, the employed's friends are reduced to creatures that he only sees when he has a new problem, or, something new to show off."

"It is only if the primary or only reason you do what you do is to make money that you will envy every random person who made or makes a lot of money (or money that exceeds what you made or make)."

"You know you've reached the end of a relationship: when your lover now demands that your jokes be funny before they laugh."

"Marriage and dating are man-made ideologies; if having a lover was a prerequisite to living, we'd all be born in pairs; as couples."

"To leave a man's ego bigger, retweet him. To leave his faculty of reasoning better, challenge his tweet."

"Procrastination threatens critics' livelihood."

"Some people each left their spouse or lover because he or she was no longer the primary source of their happiness; some, because their spouse or lover was, at that time, the primary source of their unhappiness."

"To evade insanity and depression, we unconsciously limit the number of people toward whom we are sincerely sympathetic."

"Technology has transformed the world into a global village. And communities, families, friends, etc., into local islands."

"Not everybody that says that you suck is a hater. There are people who suck."

"Rich men use most of their money to get richer. Poor men use most of their money to look richer."

"Religion is a non-alcoholic man's alcohol. Alcohol is a non-religious man's religion."

"Multitudes speak of their first love, seldom about their last hate."

"There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of women that he is convinced he is in love with, or, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman."

"As we all know, as if forever exploiting or attempting to exploit each other were not enough, a group of sane human beings who have just reached the end of a war against a common enemy of theirs will sooner or later start or continue killing and/or fighting against each other."

"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."

"All civilized wo/men are prostitutes: Some sell what's between their legs, the rest sell what's between their ears."

"Among other possibilities, money was invented to make it possible for a foolish man to control wise men; a weak man, strong men; a child, old men; an ignorant man, knowledgeable men; and for a dwarf to control giants."

"Some people would not be dead if they have not gotten the things or people they had prayed for."

"There is nothing inherently painful about being cheated on."

"Some marry because they are in love. Others marry to have sex ... without the guilt."

"There is a correlation between the number of days since a man last had sex, and, the number of things that he is willing to do for a woman."

"Most adults are knowledgeable to a child, but ignorant for their age."

"You can only be twice someone's age once."

"Some women's greatest achievement is sleeping with a man who is rich, famous, and/or wanted by many women, whereas some women's greatest achievement is refusing to sleep with such a man."

"School programs the schooled to type a CV. Life inspires the unschooled to type a business plan."

"There is nothing morally wrong with buying stolen goods, unless you know that they were stolen."

"Not everyone who has killed themselves because they were HIV positive would have been killed by AIDS."

"A freedom-fighter is a slave to freedom."

"Nothing matters when you are dead, and, you are dead when nothing matters."