"I want to be so famous that drag queens will dress like me in parades when I'm dead."

"I really detest movies like Indecent Proposal and Pretty Woman because they send a message to women that sleeping with a rich man is the ultimate goal and really that's such a small part of it."

"I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy."

"I love eating in it, brushing my teeth and swallowing the toothpaste in it. I love punching the ceiling with my fists when I'm lost or I can't find a parking space."