"Life is short, but it's long enough to ruin any man who wants to be ruined."

"There are lots of people who mistake their imagination for their memory."

"There is nothing so easy to learn as experience and nothing so hard to apply."

"Economy is a savings-bank, into which men drop pennies, and get dollars in return."

"It ain't often that a man's reputation outlasts his money."

"Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go."

"Be kind to your mother-in-law, but pay for her board at some good hotel."

"About the only difference between the poor and the rich, is this, the poor suffer misery, while the rich have to enjoy it."

"To bring up a child in the way he should go, travel that way yourself once in a while."

"A good way I know to find happiness, is to not bore a hole to fit the plug."

"It is better to know nothing than to know what ain't so."

"The best way to convince a fool that he is wrong is to let him have his own way."

"Genius ain't anything more than elegant common sense."

"Threescore years and ten is enough; if a man can't suffer all the misery he wants in that time, he must be numb."

"The thinner the ice, the more anxious is everyone to see whether it will bear."

"Life consists not in holding good cards but in playing those you hold well."

"Confess your sins to the Lord and you will be forgiven; confess them to man and you will be laughed at."

"Common sense is instinct, and enough of it is genius."

"There are some people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying."

"Adversity has the same effect on a man that severe training has on the pugilist: it reduces him to his fighting weight."

"Advice is like castor oil, easy enough to give but dreadful uneasy to take."

"As a general thing, when a woman wears the pants in a family, she has a good right to them."

"A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than you love yourself."

"If you ever find happiness by hunting for it, you will find it, as the old woman did her lost spectacles, safe on her own nose all the time."

"Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute."

"Love is said to be blind, but I know some fellows in love who can see twice as much in their sweethearts as I do."

"Learning sleeps and snores in libraries, but wisdom is everywhere, wide awake, on tiptoe."