"I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young."

"A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent."

"Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you."

"People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty."

"Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind."

"Cynicism is the humour of hatred."

"Every man is a potential genius until he does something."

"He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him."