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"Cynicism is the humour of hatred."
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"I am most proud of my integrity and least proud of my cynicism."
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Personal Development
"I've given up men. It's true. At first, I was just going to give up attorneys, but that seemed immature - and far too exclusive, so I'm playing it safe and giving up all the penis-carrying humans."
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Personal Development
"All these handsome guys are the same. When they're done combing their goddam hair, they beat it on you."
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Personal Development
"It is through experience that I have lost faith in USA law enforcement."
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Personal Development
"I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they're always being perverty when I'm around."
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Personal Development
"Really high-minded people are indifferent to happiness, especially other people's."
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Personal Development
"The more expensive a school is, the more crooks it has - I'm not kidding."
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Personal Development
"Heaven. The biggest waste of our time we ever invented, outside jigsaws."
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Personal Development
"A cynic is a man who looks at the world with a monocle in his mind's eye."
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Personal Development
"I may have grown cynical from long service, but this is a tendency I do not like, and I sometimes think I'd rather be a dog and bay at the moon than stay in the Senate another six years and listen to it."
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"A committee should consist of three men, two of whom are absent."
Men
"I was born old and get younger every day. At present I am sixty years young."
Day
"Ladies, just a little more virginity, if you don't mind."
Ladies
"Never say a humorous thing to a man who does not possess humor. He will always use it in evidence against you."
Humor
"Cynicism is the humour of hatred."
Cynicism
"He is an old bore. Even the grave yawns for him."
Grave
"People are too apt to treat God as if he were a minor royalty."
God
"Every man is a potential genius until he does something."
Genius
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