"In spite of all the yearnings of men, no one can produce a single fact or reason to support the belief in God and in personal immortality."

"As long as the world shall last there will be wrongs, and if no man objected and no man rebelled, those wrongs would last forever."

"You can only protect your liberties in this world by protecting the other man's freedom."

"The origin of the absurd idea of immortal life is easy to discover; it is kept alive by hope and fear, by childish faith, and by cowardice."

"The trouble with law is lawyers."

"Just think of the tragedy of teaching children not to doubt."

"The best that we can do is to be kindly and helpful toward our friends and fellow passengers who are clinging to the same speck of dirt while we are drifting side by side to our common doom."

"If you lose the power to laugh, you lose the power to think."

"I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure - that is all that agnosticism means."

"Working people have alot of bad habits, but the worst of these is work."

"If a man is happy in America, it is considered he is doing something wrong."

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure."

"I am a friend of the working man, and I would rather be his friend, than be one."

"The pursuit of truth will set you free; even if you never catch up with it."

"Lost causes are the only ones worth fighting for."

"Chase after the truth like all hell and you'll free yourself, even though you never touch its coat tails."

"The first half of our lives are ruined by our parents and the second half by our children."

"No other offense has ever been visited with such severe penalties as seeking to help the oppressed."

"Even if you do learn to speak correct English, whom are you going to speak it to?"

"Some of you say religion makes people happy. So does laughing gas."

"I have suffered from being misunderstood, but I would have suffered a hell of a lot more if I had been understood."

"Someday I hope to write a book where the royalties will pay for the copies I give away."

"When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it."

"There is no such thing as justice - in or out of court."

"None meet life honestly and few heroically."

"I do not believe in God because I do not believe in Mother Goose."

"I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I just hate it."

"Laws should be like clothes. They should be made to fit the people they serve."

"I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure - that is all that agnosticism means."

"The law does not pretend to punish everything that is dishonest. That would seriously interfere with business."

"Calvin Coolidge was the greatest man who ever came out of Plymouth Corner, Vermont."

"Depressions may bring people closer to the church but so do funerals."

"I am an agnostic; I do not pretend to know what many ignorant men are sure of."

"The world is made up for the most part of morons and natural tyrants, sure of themselves, strong in their own opinions, never doubting anything."

"History repeats itself, and that's one of the things that's wrong with history."

"True patriotism hates injustice in its own land more than anywhere else."

"I never wanted to see anybody die, but there are a few obituary notices I have read with pleasure."

"The only real lawyers are trial lawyers, and trial lawyers try cases to juries."

"Justice has nothing to do with what goes on in a courtroom; Justice is what comes out of a courtroom."