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"I once had a large gay following, but I ducked into an alleyway and lost him."
Gay
"I asked my girlfriend, 'Will you marry me?' She said, 'We'll have to ask my father.' So we had a seance and Jack Ruby says, 'Hello!'"
Father
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."
First
"He taught me never to smile, which helps me when I visit disaster sites."
Disaster
"I was at a bar nursing a beer. My nipple was getting quite soggy."
Beer
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."
Boxing
"People always ask me, "Where were you when Kennedy was shot?" Well, I don't have an alibi."
People
"Well, my brother says Hello. So, hooray for speech therapy."
Brother
"My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe."
Jokes
"I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator."
Night
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"Mothers care in volumes of tears and earnestness of prayers and a depth of emotion others cannot fathom."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Big Brother is watching you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some men do not know the father of 'their' children."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We Lannisters do have a certain pride," said Tyrion Lannister."Pride? Catelyn snapped. His mocking tone and easy manner made her angry. "Arrogance, some might call it. Arrogance and avarice and lust for power."My brother is undoubtedly arrogant, Tyrion Lannister replied. "My father is the soul of avarice, and my sweet sister Cersei lusts for power with every waking breath. I, however, am innocent as a little lamb. Shall I bleat for you? He grinned."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Never give up your wife, husband, children and families. Believe that people can change. Give others opportunity to change."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Many families remain for years in the same place, though both husband and wife are sick of it, simply because there is neither complete division nor agreement between them."
Author Name
Personal Development
"It has always been the prerogative of children and half-wits to point out that the emperor has no clothes. But the half-wit remains a half-wit, and the emperor remains an emperor."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Blessed is the womb that born you."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Until now, you have always lived your life alone. Every decision you've made has been for you and you alone. Now, and for the rest of your days, your life will be tied to another's. Every decision you make will be for both of you. What one does affects the other. You are a family, a team inseparable and unbreakable."
Author Name
Personal Development
"A rubber plant is just about the ideal family."
Author Name
Personal Development
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