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"Apologize: To lay the foundation for a future offence."
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Exlpore more Irony quotes
"The funny part of being funny is when you start seeing your fans writing funny words and attributing them to you."
"A tree fears an axe even though its handle is made from it."
"As the ironist does not have the new within his power, it might be asked how he destroys the old, and to this it must be answered: he destroys the given actuality by the given actuality itself."
"Often it does seem such a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat."
"A drunken but exceedingly depressed German clown from Munich entertained the public."
"Starving whilst schooled is like a man's finding out that his wife is on her periods - a few seconds after he took Viagra."
Explore more quotes by Ambrose Bierce
"Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of thinking he has got what he ought not to have, and is deprived of nothing except what was justly his due."
"Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking."
"NIHILIST, n. A Russian who denies the existence of anything but Tolstoi. The leader of the school is Tolstoi."
"I never said all Democrats were saloonkeepers. What I said was that all saloonkeepers are Democrats."
"Bigot: One who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain."
"Insurance - an ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comfortable conviction that he is beating the man who keeps the table."
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