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"Since when has corruption everywhere, homes, streets, offices, become a Nigerian factor."
"To really change the world, we have to help people change the way they see things."
"I had to make a drastic change at Sun Records and I didn't really appreciate country music until I went there."
"Clever nations are the ones who keep changing their governments! Because power must change hands otherwise it will get spoiled and rot!"
Explore more quotes by David Sedaris
"I'd tried to straighten him out, but there's only so much you can do for a person who thinks Auschwitz is a brand of beer."
"I love things made out of animals. It's just so funny to think of someone saying, 'I need a letter opener. I guess I'll have to kill a deer."
"The landscape is best described as 'pedestrian hostile.' It's pointless to try to take a walk, so I generally just stay in the room and think about shooting myself in the head."
"The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin 'Tubby' Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole."
"It was one of those situations I often find myself in while traveling. Something's said by a stranger I've been randomly thrown into contact with, and I want to say, 'Listen. I'm with you on most of this, but before we continue, I need to know who you voted for in the last election."
"It's not lost on me that I'm so busy recording life, I don't have time to really live it."
"He die one day, and then he go above of my head to live with your father.'He weared the long hair, and after he died, the first day he come back here for to say hello to the peoples.'He nice, the Jesus."
"I've become like one of those people I hate, the sort who go to the museum and, instead of looking at the magnificent Brueghel, take a picture of it, reducing it from art to proof. It's not 'Look what Brueghel did, painted this masterpiece' but 'Look what I did, went to Rotterdam and stood in front of a Brueghel painting!"
"After a few months in my parents' basement, I took an apartment near the state university, where I discovered both crystal methamphetamine and conceptual art. Either one of these things are dangerous, but in combination they have the potential to destroy entire civilizations."
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