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Henny Youngman

"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."

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"A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student."

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Amber Hurdle

"Men use thought only as authority for their injustice, and employ speech only to conceal their thoughts."

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Amber Hurdle

"Of all the men that have run for president in the twentieth century, only George McGovern truly understood what a monument America could be to the human race."

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Amber Hurdle

"Give every man thy ear, but few thy voice."

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Amber Hurdle

"Man is the only kind of varmint sets his own trap, baits it, then steps in it."

Man,
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Amber Hurdle

"Men should not try to overstrain their goodness more than any other faculty, bodily or mental."

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Amber Hurdle

"Priests are not men of the world; it is not intended that they should be; and a University training is the one best adapted to prevent their becoming so."

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Amber Hurdle

"It is better to risk saving a guilty man than to condemn an innocent one."

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Amber Hurdle

"I have made as much out of myself as could be made of the stuff, and no man should require more."

Man,
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Amber Hurdle

"Satire lies about literary men while they live and eulogy lies about them when they die."

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Amber Hurdle

"Time, which alone makes the reputation of men, ends by making their defects respectable."

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Henny Youngman
"I played a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him."
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Henny Youngman
"My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn't need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle."
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Henny Youngman
"A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well."
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Henny Youngman
"The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret."
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Henny Youngman
"I've been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she'll kill me."
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Henny Youngman
"When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading."
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Henny Youngman
"If at first you don't succeed... so much for skydiving."
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Henny Youngman
"My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it's feet first!"
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Henny Youngman
"A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn't pay his bill, so he gave him another six months."
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Henny Youngman
"This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number."
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