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"George Bush has met more foreign heads of state than I have. But a substantial number of them were dead."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
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"No one should negotiate their dreams. Dreams must be free to fly high. No government, no legislature, has a right to limit your dreams. You should never agree to surrender your dreams."
Dream
"George Bush has met more foreign heads of state than I have. But a substantial number of them were dead."
Humor
"Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change."
Change
"It is time for us to turn to each other, not on each other."
Time
"We must not measure greatness from the mansion down, but from the manger up."
Equality
"Leadership has a harder job to do than just choose sides. It must bring sides together."
Leadership
"When the doors of opportunity swing open, we must make sure that we are not too drunk or too indifferent to walk through."
Opportunity
"I am not a perfect servant. I am a public servant doing my best against the odds. As I develop and serve, be patient. God is not finished with me yet."
God
"So here we are today with a new conversation. When University of Georgia plays Georgia Tech, it's uniform color versus skin color. We have - we've overcome that level of racial fear."
Fear
"A check or credit card, a Gucci bag strap, anything of value will do. Give as you live."
Charity
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