"George Bush has met more foreign heads of state than I have. But a substantial number of them were dead."

Humor, State

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"George Bush has met more foreign heads of state than I have. But a substantial number of them were dead."

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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."

Deyth Banger, American Blogger

Humor, Truth, Power, Wisdom

"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."

George R. R. Martin, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Judgment, Truth

"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."

Agatha Christie, English Writer

Humor, Aging, Appearance, Truth

Explore more quotes by Jesse Jackson

"If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it."

Heart

"I cast my bread on the waters long ago. Now it's time for you to send it back to me - toasted and buttered on both sides."

Time

"At the end of the day, we must go forward with hope and not backward by fear and division."

Fear

"A man must be willing to die for justice. Death is an inescapable reality and men die daily, but good deeds live forever."

Death

"Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change."

Change

"When we're unemployed, we're called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it's called a depression."

Politics

"Time is neutral and does not change things. With courage and initiative, leaders change things."

Change

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."

"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."

Explore more quotes by Jesse Jackson

"If my mind can conceive it, and my heart can believe it, I know I can achieve it."

"I cast my bread on the waters long ago. Now it's time for you to send it back to me - toasted and buttered on both sides."

"At the end of the day, we must go forward with hope and not backward by fear and division."

"A man must be willing to die for justice. Death is an inescapable reality and men die daily, but good deeds live forever."

"Both tears and sweat are salty, but they render a different result. Tears will get you sympathy; sweat will get you change."

"When we're unemployed, we're called lazy; when the whites are unemployed it's called a depression."

"Time is neutral and does not change things. With courage and initiative, leaders change things."

"Your children need your presence more than your presents."

"Keep hope alive!"

"In politics, an organized minority is a political majority."