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"I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."
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"Among those people lucky enough, if you will, to have actually been brought to trial as a political prisoner, several historians have said there has not been one acquittal since the Bolshevik Revolution."

"It is often said that the magnitude of a people is measured by their ability to know how to win."

"Like it or not, the people of Arkansas sent me to Washington to represent them in this great body."

"I met with people who are already very angry with the tribunal."

"The people of our state will no longer tolerate advocates of treason."

"We ought to know that all people are not the same and so we must not expect the same attitude from all people. Different people behave differently and that is what makes different people different."

"If you have carefully examined hundred people you met in your life journey, it means that you have read hundred different books! Every person you know is a book; world is full of walking books; some are boring, some are marvellous, some are weak, some are powerful, but they are all useful because they all carry different experiences of different paths!"

"We cannot teach people anything; we can only help them discover it within themselves."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."

"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."

"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."

"An escalator can never break: it can only become stairs. You should never see an Escalator Temporarily Out Of Order sign, just Escalator Temporarily Stairs. Sorry for the convenience."
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