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Mitch Hedberg

"I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."

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"I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."

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Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."

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"Every book is a children's book if the kid can read!"

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"I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi circle."

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"Dogs are forever in the push up postion."

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"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."

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"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."

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"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"

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"I'm gonna fix that last joke by taking out all the words and adding new ones."

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Mitch Hedberg
"I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."

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"I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that... day."

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