"He held up his hand, and in it was... Oh, God. The neon-pink vibrator, glowing in the dark now. It was following her, stalking her, all the way down the yellow brick road to hell."

Humor, Absurdity, Observation, Curiosity

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"He held up his hand, and in it was... Oh, God. The neon-pink vibrator, glowing in the dark now. It was following her, stalking her, all the way down the yellow brick road to hell."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."

Munia Khan, Bangladeshi Poet

Humor, Satire, Criticism, Truth

"They are fond of fun and therefore witty, wit being well-bred insolence."

Aristotle, Greek Philosopher

Humor, Fun, Wit, Culture

"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."

Francis Bacon, English Philosopher

Humor, Imagination, Man, Sense

"He has got no good red blood in his body," said Sir James."No. Somebody put a drop under a magnifying glass, and it was all semicolons and parentheses," said Mrs. Cadwallader."

George Eliot, British Author

Humor, Wit, Blood, Language

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Philosophy, Truth, Hurt, Irony

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Culture, Observation, Learning

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Wealth, Excess, Irony, Consumption

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

Kiersten White, American Author

Humor, Fiction, Creativity, Observation

"I realized women and humor were linked very closely."

Craig Ferguson, Scottish Comedian

Humor, Women, Life, Creativity

Explore more quotes by Jill Shalvis

"Maddie swallowed hard and tried to channel which actress? Damn, she couldn't think of anactress to save her life! She was on her own."

Emotion

"Just remember, there's not a lot of softness in his life, or room for weakness-of which you're definitely one. He has absolutely no idea what to do with you, and as an action guy, that's confusing to him. So maybe think about taking it easy on him. Even just a little bit."

Relationship

"For some unknown reason, success usually occurs in private, while failure occurs infull view."

Success

"I've given up men. It's true. At first, I was just going to give up attorneys, but that seemed immature - and far too exclusive, so I'm playing it safe and giving up all the penis-carrying humans."

Cynicism

"You only live once, right?""Not true," Quinn said, "you live every day. You only die once."

Mortality

"Who's there?"The scratcher of your itch, he said.She opened the door a crack and stuck her nose out. "Was that supposed to be romantic?"

Romance

"If I call him back here," Cooper whispered in her ear, "will you crawl up my body again?"

Romantic

"Ben was in his truck, window down, idling at the curb, dark lenses hiding his eyes from her, looking effortlessly big and badass.The way she wished she felt."

Emotion

"Note to self-give serious thought to becoming an alcoholic."

Personal

"Honest to God, she was the noisiest woman he'd ever been shot at with."

Life