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Andy Rooney

"I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you."

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"I hope all of you are going to fill out your census form when it comes in the mail next month. If you don't return the form the area you live in might get less government money and you wouldn't want that to happen, would you."

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Donna Grant

"Giving every man a vote has no more made men wise and free than Christianity has made them good."

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Donna Grant

"I can make a firm pledge, under my plan, no family making less than $250,000 a year will see any form of tax increase. Not your income tax, not your payroll tax, not your capital gains taxes, not any of your taxes."

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Donna Grant

"There shall be no end to the government of God."

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Donna Grant

"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."

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Donna Grant

"The ugliest government is the one which is spreading fear to its own people! The finest government is the one which encourages its own people to criticize the government harshly."

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Donna Grant

"The diversity in the faculties of men, from which the rights of property originate, is not less an insuperable obstacle to an uniformity of interests. The protection of these faculties is the first object of government."

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Donna Grant

"The instant formal government is abolished, society begins to act. A general association takes place, and common interest produces common security."

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Donna Grant

"All government, indeed every human benefit and enjoyment, every virtue, and every prudent act, is founded on compromise and barter."

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Donna Grant

"There is probably a perverse pride in my administration... that we were going to do the right thing, even if short-term it was unpopular. And I think anybody who's occupied this office has to remember that success is determined by an intersection in policy and politics and that you can't be neglecting of marketing and P.R. and public opinion."

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Donna Grant

"He who exercises government by means of his virtue may be compared to the north polar star, which keeps its place and all the stars turn towards it."

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Andy Rooney
"Taxes are important. President Bush's tax proposals leave no rich person behind. Voters approve of President Bush helping the kind of people they wish they were one of."
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Andy Rooney
"I don't like food that's too carefully arranged; it makes me think that the chef is spending too much time arranging and not enough time cooking. If I wanted a picture I'd buy a painting."
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Andy Rooney
"Nothing in fine print is ever good news."
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Andy Rooney
"All men are not created equal but should be treated as though they were under the law."
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Andy Rooney
"As an old reporter, we have a few secrets, and the first thing is we try the phone book."
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Andy Rooney
"Death is a distant rumor to the young."
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Andy Rooney
"The world must be filled with unsuccessful musical careers like mine, and it's probably a good thing. We don't need a lot of bad musicians filling the air with unnecessary sounds. Some of the professionals are bad enough."
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Andy Rooney
"The only people who say worse things about politicians that reporters do are other politicians."
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Andy Rooney
"Making duplicate copies and computer printouts of things no one wanted even one of in the first place is giving America a new sense of purpose."
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Andy Rooney
"The Super Bowl isn't for kids, I had a great time though and it was worth every nickel of it because by doing this lame piece about the game I can put it on my expense account."
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