"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."

People, Friends, Fun, Strangers

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"The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it's so much fun."

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"They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed."

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"Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids."

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"The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it."

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"I hope that people will finally come to realize that there is only one 'race' - the human race - and that we are all members of it."

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"I'm not sure whay I've been drawn to this subject, except that murder is a subject that has always drawn people for as long as people have been telling stories."

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"If you ask a hundred people, they all give you different answers."

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"In our leisure we reveal what kind of people we are."

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Explore more quotes by Jerry Seinfeld

"There is no such thing as fun for the whole family."

Family

"You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'"

Old

"Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash."

Body

"Where lipstick is concerned, the important thing is not color, but to accept God's final word on where your lips end."

God

"Make no mistake about why these babies are here - they are here to replace us."

Mistake

"I think it's funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive."

Funny

"A bookstore is one of the only pieces of evidence we have that people are still thinking."

People

"It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper."

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"My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law."

Law

"I am so busy doing nothing... that the idea of doing anything - which as you know, always leads to something - cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything."

Idea