"Im's offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk's claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk, confuse a herd of cows with an enemy regiment, and slaughter the lot, screaming like lunatics until the entire army panics."

Satire, Chaos, Humor, War, Humanity

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"Im's offspring stare at stars and make clocks that calculate useless happenings like the angle of a hawk's claws as it strikes its prey. They demonstrate their contraptions and everyone marvels. My children get drunk, confuse a herd of cows with an enemy regiment, and slaughter the lot, screaming like lunatics until the entire army panics."

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"Genuinity is mother of stupidity."

Vikrmn, Indian Author

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"Fella says today, 'Depression is over. I seen a jackrabbit, an' they wasn't nobody after him.' An' another fella says, 'That aint the reason. Can't afford to kill jackrabbits no more. Catch 'em and milk 'em an' turn 'em loose. One you seen prob'ly gone dry."

John Steinbeck, American Author

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"The difficulty with humourists is that they will mix what they believe with what they don't whichever seems likelier to win an effect."

John Updike, American Novelist

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"God created war so that Americans would learn geography."

Mark Twain, American Author

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"Does your guilty past catch up so fast with your age? You've been robbing hex nuts, cap nuts, lock nuts and wing nuts. No wonder you have turned into a greedy nut."

Angelica Hopes, Swiss Author

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"Never make fun of people who are different...unless they have more money, power and influence. Then you must."

Ziad K. Abdelnour, Lebanese Author

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"We're roughage," Tyger said. "If we don't cause a little intestinal distress, no one knows we're there."

Neal Shusterman, American Author

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"He wondered reflectively what would happen if you asked a nun where the Gents was. Probably the Pope sent you a sharp note or something."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

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"I will say further, as an officer of an enormous international conglomerate, that nobody who is doing well in this economy ever even wonders waht is really going on.We are chimpanzees. We are orangutans."

Kurt Vonnegut, American Author

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"Lebanese freedom of speech : You get to say whatever you like as long as the authorities approve of it... Hilarious."

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Explore more quotes by Ilona Andrews

"Hey, would you look at that shit?"I turned on my heel. The patrons who'd fled at the first hint of trouble had come back and were enjoying the spectacle."Clear out!" I barked.They paid me no mind. Asshole innocent bystanders."

Trouble

"Sh!t. F_ck sh!t.'....'Sh!t f_ck would have also been accepted."

Language

"Everybody has something, that one thing they must do to feel happy. I think this is yours, and I want you to be happy. You don't have to do it, but it's here if you choose to come back to it."

Encouragement

"Why had I wasted all my time pretending to be someone I wasn't? I was tired, so very, very tired of standing on my own brakes. I felt...right. I felt free."

Liberation

"Our relationship had been doomed form the start, because it was based on grief, and unlike love, grief eventually passed."

Grief

"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."

Comedy

"I like home. It's warm and there are books."

Home

"If she died as a result of this journey, it wouldn't be because of slavers. It would be because Richard's inability to communicate would give her a heart attack."

Health

"What's that?""That's my attack poodle."

Humor

"Since I've moved here, you have shown up at my door eight times. I obey the laws, I pay my taxes, and I haven't even gotten a parking ticket in my entire time as a driver. Yet if anything at all happens in the neighborhood, you appear at my door. I bet if a meteorite fell somewhere in the subdivision, you would be here asking me if I personally launched it out of my doomsday cannon."

Humor