"My favorite animal is steak."

Humor, Favorite

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"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Calm, Reassurance, Fear

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Police, Interaction, Social

" Think of how many times you put on your underwear in a lifetime. It was appalling, it was disgusting, it was stupid."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Life, Daily, Routine

"Silverfish looked down."Oh. Are you a dwarf?"Cuddy gave him a blank stare."Are you a giant?" He said."Me? Of course not!"Ah. Then I must be a dwarf, yes."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Identity, Giants, Truth

"What's a philosopher?' said Brutha.Someone who's bright enough to find a job with no heavy lifting,' said a voice in his head."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Truth, Happiness, Power, Today

"At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue's opinion, was far more hellish than anything they'd discussed to this point."

Maggie Stiefvater, American Author

Humor, Appearance, Opinion, Judgment

"Reason like a sphere? What type of reasoning does a wooden sphere do?""The circular type, I should think. And, by coincidence, it is my favorite type as well. Perhaps that's why I'm so good at the game."

Brandon Sanderson, American Author

Humor, Logic, Reason, Games

"Lovemaking is a big grammatical error, i think it should be, LustMaking."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Love, Lust, Language, Truth

"If there was an elephant in the supermarket, she'd either not see it at all, or call it Mrs Jones and talk about fishcakes."

Jeanette Winterson, British Novelist

Humor, Perception, Reality, Imagination

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

John Green, American Author

Humor, Personality, Identity, Education

Explore more quotes by Fran Lebowitz

"Andy Warhol made fame more famous."

Creativity, Fame, Famous

"When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enough."

Wisdom, Rest, World

"In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over democracy."

Politics, Capitalism, Communism, Country, Democracy

"All God's children are not beautiful. Most of God's children are, in fact, barely presentable."

Wisdom, God, Children, Fact

"My favorite animal is steak."

Humor, Favorite

"If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words."

Nature, Actions, Contemplation, Forget

"I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary iota."

Wisdom, Consciousness, Drugs

"I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not."

Luck, Winning, Chance, Play

"Romantic love is mental illness. But it's a pleasurable one. It's a drug. It distorts reality, and that's the point of it. It would be impossible to fall in love with someone that you really saw."

Love, Illness, Reality, Romantic

"I must take issue with the term 'a mere child,' for it has been my invariable experience that the company of a mere child is infinitely preferable to that of a mere adult."

Life, Experience, Company