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"So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it."
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"Cursing is invoking the assistance of a spirit to help you inflict suffering. Swearing on the other hand, is invoking, only the witness of a spirit to an statement you wish to make."
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Personal Development
"You can't help those who don't know they need help."
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Personal Development
"It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it."
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Personal Development
"Proverbs are all very fine when there's nothing to worry you, but when you're in real trouble, they're not a bit of help."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The denial of assistance is sometimes the greatest assistance. The trick is recognizing when this is the case."
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Personal Development
"No one can help us except our own thoughts."
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Personal Development
"When you desire to help, you will find a way to do it."
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Personal Development
"When it comes to poverty, there is no need to say anything. All we need to do is to help, the moment we encounter it."
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Personal Development
"I'm guess I'm up to about 70% of normal, which is a real relief. My doctor gave me clearance to go out in public again, so I've been able to go to the store and help out a little bit around the house."
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Personal Development
"With the best of intentions you toss me a lifeline. Failing to see how a piece of rope will do me any good, I ignore it and drown."
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Personal Development
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"I'm also doing a special for Comedy Central called Autobiography. It's going to be a spoof of Biography."
Autobiography
"No, I love Montreal... I think I love Montreal more than Montreal loves me... I love the food there."
Food
"Gwyneth Paltrow names her kid Apple. I'm not going to let that stand."
Name
"A lot of celebrities, especially when you're talking about the really big ones, live in what I call the fame bubble. Nobody ever says no to them or challenges them or even teases them."
Fame
"I can say whatever I want. So do not bring the kids. It's definitely rated R."
Kids
"I hate it, it is tedious... when I write for my act, it is very improvisational, I write bullet points, I cannot sit in front of a computer; that is not my style."
Act
"The thing that cracks me up is how these reality characters start out thrilled and excited just to be on television, and how they move to thinking they are as big as the Friends."
Friendship
"That's what I loved about Temptation Island. I don't even know why they did it."
Temptation
"If you see me on Friday, you'll see different material on Saturday night."
Night
"So yes, I say things I regret constantly, and I just can't help it."
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