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"First bathrooms, now cars. At least people are wearing their seat belts."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"Power, a paycheck and control do sick things to those who have the illusion of possessing it."
Power

"I don't admire the person who hides from the world and claims enlightenment. To be purified you have to be tested and there is no better test of strength than dealing with other people."
Wisdom

"You see it everywhere and everyone seems to be doing it but you. You could have had it as well, and you know it, and that's what bothers you. Your worst enemy is yourself, and sadly, you know that what you did wasn't worth what you lost."
Regret

"She walked in somber seclusion, unable to connect with women despite her heart's desire to do so while being shadowed by men who hungered for the indefinable; and while she yearned for friendship, they yearned for something more and what she had been in search of remained removed from her, and the more she erected barriers, the more they crossed them and each time they did, she turned from them and hid."
Isolation

"If you are without contention and still have the ability to make people think, their ego is going to take a hit and as a result they're not going to like you. They don't want to think. They want to be right, unrivaled or entertained."
Awareness

"She may be crazy but at least she isn't you."
Humor

"Youth. I don't seek it through another because I have it within; it's a state of mind, a spirit that is free, and a mind that is playful. The shell of my being is altered by the effects of time, but nothing will tarnish a soul that will never forget what its like to experience creation with endless wonder and appreciation. Each time I see the first snowfall of the season I feel it's the first time I've seen it at all."
Youth

"The most interesting people are the unusual. No one writes about or discusses the average, the ordinary, or the common; they write about and discuss the weird, the mad and the different, so if you are one, even though the opinions of others are of no importance, you are, in their eyes, significant enough to notice and remember."
Individuality

"I didn't intend to go in that direction but strange things happen when the lights go out."
Mystery

"Which is worse? Loving someone and not being able to be with them or not loving someone and having to be with them."
Love
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