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"Cynicism is that blackguard defect of vision which compels us to see the world as it is instead of as it should be."
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"I guess the painkillers wipe out your memory along with your ethics."
"I am most proud of my integrity and least proud of my cynicism."
"I've given up men. It's true. At first, I was just going to give up attorneys, but that seemed immature - and far too exclusive, so I'm playing it safe and giving up all the penis-carrying humans."
"All these handsome guys are the same. When they're done combing their goddam hair, they beat it on you."
"It is through experience that I have lost faith in USA law enforcement."
"I know more damn perverts, at schools and all, than anybody you ever met, and they're always being perverty when I'm around."
"Really high-minded people are indifferent to happiness, especially other people's."
"The more expensive a school is, the more crooks it has - I'm not kidding."
"Heaven. The biggest waste of our time we ever invented, outside jigsaws."
Explore more quotes by Ambrose Bierce
"What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republican? One who believes that the democrats would ruin the country."
"Present, n. That part of eternity dividing the domain of disappointment from the realm of hope."
"Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by friends when dead."
"Experience - the wisdom that enables us to recognise in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly that we have already embraced."
"Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration to be dead."
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