"Asked what would be his idea of Heaven, one statesman in 1897 said it would be to "receive a flow of telegrams alternating news of a British victory by sea and a British victory by land."

Humor, Heaven, Truth, Observation, Power

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"Asked what would be his idea of Heaven, one statesman in 1897 said it would be to "receive a flow of telegrams alternating news of a British victory by sea and a British victory by land."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life, Regret

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

Humor, Clocks, Future, Right

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Mental, Friend, Imagination

"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Jealousy, Doubt, Friendship

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Laughter, Sanity, Life

Explore more quotes by Barbara Tuchman

"A reformer exhorted children that they would succeed where he and his colleagues had failed with the charge: "Live for that better day."

Motivation

"Malignant phenomena do not come out of a golden age."

History

"The overpowering unimportance of this MAKES ME SPEECHLESS. Speaker of the House of Representatives Thomas Reed."

Politics

"Why, since folly or perversity is expected of individuals, should we expect anything else from government?"

Politics

"Any person who considers himself, and intends to remain, a member of Western society inherits the Western past from Athens and Jerusalem to Runnymede and Valley Forge, as well as to Watts and Chicago of August 1968. He may ignore it or deny it, but that does not alter the fact. The past sits back and smiles and knows it owns him anyway."

History

"Blinker Hall, operating on the quaint theory that the Navy might be needed for battle and that whatever increased the ship's efficiency was a criterion for change, had continued trampling on the toes of orthodoxy."

Military

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

Explore more quotes by Barbara Tuchman

"A reformer exhorted children that they would succeed where he and his colleagues had failed with the charge: "Live for that better day."

"Malignant phenomena do not come out of a golden age."

"The overpowering unimportance of this MAKES ME SPEECHLESS. Speaker of the House of Representatives Thomas Reed."

"Why, since folly or perversity is expected of individuals, should we expect anything else from government?"

"Let us retreat when we can, not when we must. Lord Chatham."

"Talent for oratory can simulate the need for action and even thought."

"No one is is sure of his premise as the man who knows too little."

"England's traditional tolerance was outraged at last."

"Blinker Hall, operating on the quaint theory that the Navy might be needed for battle and that whatever increased the ship's efficiency was a criterion for change, had continued trampling on the toes of orthodoxy."