"Asked what would be his idea of Heaven, one statesman in 1897 said it would be to "receive a flow of telegrams alternating news of a British victory by sea and a British victory by land."

Humor, Heaven, Truth, Observation, Power

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"Asked what would be his idea of Heaven, one statesman in 1897 said it would be to "receive a flow of telegrams alternating news of a British victory by sea and a British victory by land."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your sarcasm and general assholeness are not necessary, Apollo remarked casually.I grinned at him. "I don't think 'assholeness' is a word."It is if I say it is. Apollo drew in a deep breath, a sure sign his temper was reaching its knock-Seth-into-the-nearby-ocean point."

Jennifer L. Armentrout, American Author

Humor, Conflict, Speech, Temper

"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."

Winston Churchill, English Statesman

Humor, Communication, Life, Patience

"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Procrastination, Delay, Action

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Escape, Solitude, Space, Privacy

"Aw, you're nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Observation, Social, Interaction

"This was not of the nature of a Christlike lesson for Owen Meany to learn, as he lay in the manger, that someone you hate can give you a hard-on."

John Irving, American Novelist

Humor, Observation, Religion, Truth

"Cheap booze is a false economy."

Christopher Hitchens, American Author

Humor, Economy, Choice, Alcohol

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Crime, Duty, Irony

"Kemp: I demonstrated conclusively this morning that invisibility--I.M: Never mind what YOU'VE DEMONSTRATED!--I'm starving, said the voice, and the night is--chilly for a man without clothes."

H. G. Wells, English Author

Humor, Observation, Survival, Humanity

"She ignores me, so I cup my hands over my mouth and do something I haven't done in years- barnyard sounds."

Simone Elkeles, American Author

Humor, Playfulness, Observation, Truth

Explore more quotes by Barbara Tuchman

"Books are the carriers of civilization. Without books, history is silent, literature dumb, science crippled, thought and speculation at a standstill."

History

"A minister's (cabinet member's) function was not to DO the work but to see that it got done."

Governance

"In individuals as in nations, contentment is silent, which tends to unbalance the historical record."

Contentment

"No less a bold and pugnacious figure than Winston Churchill broke down and was unable to finish his remarks at the sendoff of the British Expeditionary Force into the maelstrom of World War I in Europe."

Bravery

"Humanizing war?! You may as well talk of humanizing Hell. Sir John Fisher."

War

"Honor wears different coats to different eyes."

Honor

"Chief among the forces affecting political folly is lust for power, named by Tacitus as "the most flagrant of all passions."

Politics

"No more distressing moment can ever face a British government than that which requires it to come to a hard, fast and specific decision."

Government

"Enormity of the stakes became the new self-hypnosis."

Motivation

"He believed interim reforms were necessary in order to fix the worker for his destiny."

Reform