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"I'm always happy when I'm cleaning, and besides, I had just found out that I was going to have a baby."
Author Name
Personal Development
"We have long passed the Victorian Era when asterisks were followed after a certain interval by a baby."
Author Name
Personal Development
"This country has come to feel the same when Congress is in session as when the baby gets hold of a hammer."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Nobody outside of a baby carriage or a judge's chamber believes in an unprejudiced point of view."
Author Name
Personal Development
"If the feminist program goes to pieces on the arrival of the first baby, it's false and useless."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, the first year I lost my voice I didn't mind so much because I was going to have a baby and I was distracted with him anyway, I didn't even think about it that much, well, OK, this is what's happening."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Parenthood always comes as a shock. Postpartum blues? Postpartum panic is more like it. We set out to have a baby; what we get is a total take-over of our lives."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Senorita was fun to sing, but I don't really have a favorite. When you write a bunch of songs, they're like your babies. You don't pick favorites."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My initial career, really, as a baby, was as a singer."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I remember li'l ol' Hank Jr. - he was just a baby back in them days, you know - but he used to hang around. His mama would bring him around. He was just a natural."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."
Art
"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
Government
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
Politics
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Funny
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
People
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
Ignorance
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
People
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Government
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