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"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
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"If you want to know the value of a minute ask the person who came to the train station or airport a minute late."
"Don't equate effective living to being busy."
"The main factors that sponsor the abuse of time include procrastination and excuses. Procrastination makes you to shift a task that you can do now into the unseen future, excuses are the reasons why you shift that task."
"I think Pete did have a hard time as a kid with his appearance. But don't all kids have a hard time? God, I had a hard time, too. I was little with bow legs and rickets. I used to get picked on like everybody used to get picked on."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen."
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
"I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're goin', and hook up with them later."
"The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall."
"I had a stick of CareFree gum, but it didn't work. I felt pretty good while I was blowing that bubble, but as soon as the gum lost its flavor, I was back to pondering my mortality."
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
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