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Mitch Hedberg

"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."

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"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."

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Akiroq Brost

"The mind of man, moreover, works with equal strangeness upon the body of time. An hour, once it lodges in the queer element of the human spirit, may be stretched to fifty or a hundred times its clock length; on the other hand, an hour may be accurately represented on the timepiece of the mind by one second."

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Akiroq Brost

"Always keep in mind how you can best use this time that you call life."

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Akiroq Brost

"I can only note that the past is beautiful because one never realises an emotion at the time. It expands later, and thus we don't have complete emotions about the present, only about the past."

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Akiroq Brost

"You may need an additional money to make things happen and have it, but you can have an additional time anywhere. Value your time; as you wait, it is passing!"

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Akiroq Brost

"Worrying about what happened on Monday, or, what might happen on Wednesday, is at the expense of one's Tuesday."

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Akiroq Brost

"Time interval is a strange and contradictory matter in the mind. It would be reasonable to suppose that a routine time or an eventless time would seem interminable. It should be so, but it is not. It is the dull eventless times that have no duration whatever. A time splashed with interest, wounded with tragedy, crevassed with joy - that's the time that seems long in the memory. And this is right when you think about it. Eventlessness has no posts to drape duration on. From nothing to nothing is no time at all."

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Akiroq Brost

"Time is needed to convert all ideas and added values into the tangible products that benefits the world."

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Akiroq Brost

"Opinion is like a pendulum and obeys the same law. If it goes past the centre of gravity on one side, it must go a like distance on the other; and it is only after a certain time that it finds the true point at which it can remain at rest."

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Akiroq Brost

"The moments of dA©jA vu were coming more frequently, now. Moments would stutter and hiccup and falter and repeat. Sometimes whole mornings would repeat. Once I lost a day. Time seemed to be breaking down entirely."

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Akiroq Brost

"A wedding is no way to begin a marriage."

Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg

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Mitch Hedberg
"I like Kit-Kat, unless I'm with four or more people."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle."
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"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'd like to get four people who do cart wheels very good, and make a cart."
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Mitch Hedberg
"Rice is great if you're really hungry and want to eat two thousand of something."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I want to get a vending machine, with fun sized candy bars, and the glass in front is a magnifying glass. You'll be mad, but it will be too late."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I wish my name was Brian because maybe sometimes people would misspell my name and call me Brain. That's like a free compliment and you don't even gotta be smart to notice it."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I drank some boiling water because I wanted to whistle."
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Mitch Hedberg
"Do you think I am standing here, making this up as I go? I am sorry to disillusion you. I am not Robin Williams. I am the king of the pen."
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Mitch Hedberg
"I'm a heroine addict. I need to have sex with women who have saved someone's life."
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