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"I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all."
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"Time interval is a strange and contradictory matter in the mind. It would be reasonable to suppose that a routine time or an eventless time would seem interminable. It should be so, but it is not. It is the dull eventless times that have no duration whatever. A time splashed with interest, wounded with tragedy, crevassed with joy - that's the time that seems long in the memory. And this is right when you think about it. Eventlessness has no posts to drape duration on. From nothing to nothing is no time at all."
"Opinion is like a pendulum and obeys the same law. If it goes past the centre of gravity on one side, it must go a like distance on the other; and it is only after a certain time that it finds the true point at which it can remain at rest."
"I'm proud of being part Cherokee, and I think it's time all us Indians felt the same way."
"Time is like money, the less we have of it to spare the further we make it go."
Explore more quotes by Mitch Hedberg
"My friend asked me if I wanted a frozen banana. I said 'No, but I want a regular banana later, so... yeah.'"
"My sister wanted to be an actress, but she never made it. She does live in a trailer. She got halfway. She's an actress, she just never gets called to the set."
"People teach their dogs to sit; it's a trick. I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky."
"It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky."
"Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show."
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