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"I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session."
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"We can't have what we want and nothing is gonna change it."

"The wise old fairy tales never were so silly as to say that the prince and the princess lived peacefully ever afterwards. The fairy tales said that the prince and princess lived happily ever afterwards; and so they did. They lived happily, although it is very likely that from time to time they threw the furniture at each other."

"Sometimes the reader will decide something else than the author's intent; this is certainly true of attempts to empirically decipher reality."

"To change the reality, change the perception but not the reality."

"Beautiful trees sometimes bear bitter fruit."
Explore more quotes by Garry Shandling


"Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders."


"You know it's funny that none of the regular late-night shows now use guest hosts the way Johnny did. No one talks about it much, but it's curious that they don't do it. They would each have to be asked the reason why they don't."


"I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate."


"The only way I would go back to hosting would be if it were something entirely new. It would prevent me from wanting to host a standard-fare kind of talk show."
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