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"I practice safe sex - I use an airbag."
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"The most unfair thing about sex is that men are almost always guaranteed an orgasm."

"When coming to sex: First served, first come."

"The male sex still constitute in many ways the most obstinate vested interest one can find."

"Talking from morning to night about sex has helped my skiing, because I talk about movement, about looking good, about taking risks."

"Even Tom Sawyer had a girlfriend and to talk about adults without talking about their sex drives is like talking about a window without glass."
Explore more quotes by Garry Shandling


"I play basketball on Sundays and I'm a very spiritual guy; I read a lot of Eastern philosophy and I meditate."


"I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session."


"I don't know why men are so fascinated with television and I think it has something to do with - if I may judge from my own father, who used to sit and stare at the TV while my mother was speaking to him - I think that's a man's way of tuning out."


"I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead."


"Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids."


"I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there."
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