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"I practice safe sex - I use an airbag."
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"Two things I do well in books are sex and violence, but I don't want gratuitous sex or violence. The sex and violence are only as graphic as need be. And never included unless it furthers the plot or character development."

"When coming to sex: First served, first come."

"If you insist upon fighting to protect me, or 'our' country, let it be understood soberly and rationally between us that you are fighting to gratify a sex instinct which I cannot share; to procure benefits where I have not shared and probably will not share."

"Why should we take advice on sex from the pope? If he knows anything about it, he shouldn't!"

"People here in Los Angeles are disgusted now about a sex scandal involving Arnold Schwarzenegger. Apparently for seven years, he carried on a sexual relationship with his own wife."

"Does Sex Matter? Of course it does. But does it matter enough to Matter? That's a different question."
Explore more quotes by Garry Shandling


"Carol Burnett was particularly funny. She swore for the first time on television on Larry Sanders."


"Here's the thing - I'm single, I haven't been married, I don't have kids yet. If I do have kids I would be interested to see them in my life, so here's a movie for kids and I'm in there and I'm supposed to be kind of funny for kids."


"I once made love for an hour and fifteen minutes, but it was the night the clocks are set ahead."


"I actually think I'm more of a turtle than Verne is. Where Verne is up on two legs and moving at full speed and doesn't pull his head into the shell very often, I in reality was five or ten minutes later to every recording session."


"I think it's one of the main negative emotional ingredients that fuels show business, because there's so much at stake and the fear of failure looms large."


"I guess he wanted to see a little more sexual activity because in real life, in bed I think less is more and let the woman come to me. Frankly, I don't even need a woman there."
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