"If you have no troubles " buy a goat."

Humor, Life, Problem, Solution

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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Happiness, Power

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

Charles Dickens, English Novelist

Humor, Words

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."

Anne Lamott, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Holiness, Joy, Faith

"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Power, Life, Mythology

Explore more quotes by Idries Shah

"Two people can illustrate crudity to you.The first is the crude man, whom you see perceiving the diamond as a stone.The other is the refined man, who makes clear to you the crudity of the first one."

Perception

"The colour of the water seems to be the colour of the glass into which it has been poured."

Perception

"We are not slaves to our circumstances; we are slaves to our minds."

Mindset

"A loan is the scissors of friendship.A man's own tongue may cut his throat.The cage has no value without the bird."

Friendship

"Not to be greedy is, paradoxically, the highest form of looking after one's true interests."

Self-Control

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."

Explore more quotes by Idries Shah

"You have to learn to look at things in a new way."

"The quest for knowledge is a process of self-awareness."

"Life is a series of processes and struggles."

"The heart of the wise person is a mirror to the world."

"You are not responsible for the actions of others, only for your own."

"Two people can illustrate crudity to you.The first is the crude man, whom you see perceiving the diamond as a stone.The other is the refined man, who makes clear to you the crudity of the first one."

"The colour of the water seems to be the colour of the glass into which it has been poured."

"We are not slaves to our circumstances; we are slaves to our minds."

"A loan is the scissors of friendship.A man's own tongue may cut his throat.The cage has no value without the bird."

"Not to be greedy is, paradoxically, the highest form of looking after one's true interests."