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"Honestly we never lied to people about who we were. Usually the wackier interviews came to pass because the interview subjects, aware that we were Comedy Central, just wanted to get their stories out."
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"It's one of my favorite things to do, watch TV and stretch. I'm so flexible. I can put my legs behind my head. I want to be the most flexible person in the world."
"It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict."
"Politicians who wear little tennis socks with the balls at the back should not be taken seriously."
"No, no, no separate but equal... never the twain shall meet. And the pendulum kept swinging and it came to rest in the bastard hybrid known as the Daily Show."
"Honestly we never lied to people about who we were. Usually the wackier interviews came to pass because the interview subjects, aware that we were Comedy Central, just wanted to get their stories out."
"If there's one thing that everyone can agree on, it's that, right or wrong, they hate the press."
"I'm in fact a hair under six feet, but I'm very svelte. People would never see me if I turned sideways."
"The most important thing is to write material that YOU think is funny. If you don't think it's funny, but you're convinced that other people will think it is, well they won't."
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"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."
"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."
"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."
"Whatever good things people say of us, they tell us nothing new."
"We don't get to know people when they come to us; we must go to them to find out what they are like."
"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."
"People are lucky and unlucky not according to what they get absolutely, but according to the ratio between what they get and what they have been led to expect."
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