"They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed."

People, Bed, Now, Smoking

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"They're talking about banning cigarette smoking now in any place that's used by ten or more people in a week, which, I guess, means that Madonna can't even smoke in bed."

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"Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids."

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"I hope that people will finally come to realize that there is only one 'race' - the human race - and that we are all members of it."

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"I'm not sure whay I've been drawn to this subject, except that murder is a subject that has always drawn people for as long as people have been telling stories."

Donna Tartt, American Novelist

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"If you ask a hundred people, they all give you different answers."

Lenny Kravitz, American Musician

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"You can be around 100 people and be completely alone. People don't realize what it's really like."

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"In our leisure we reveal what kind of people we are."

Ovid, Roman Poet

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"With most people disbelief in a thing is founded on a blind belief in some other thing."

Georg C. Lichtenberg, German Physicist

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"One-third of the people in the United States promote, while the other two-thirds provide."

Will Rogers, American Actor

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"A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people."

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Explore more quotes by Bill Maher

"Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids."

People

"The tea baggers. The one thing they hate is when you call them racist. The other thing they hate is black people. But they won't say it."

People

"The Clinton White House today said they would start to give national security and intelligence briefings to George Bush. I don't know how well this is working out. Today after the first one Bush said, 'I've got one question: What color is the red phone?'"

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"I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?"

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"I never thought I'd say this, what Obama needs in his personality is a little George Bush."

Thought

"President Bush is supporting Arnold but a lot of Republicans are not, because he is actually quite liberal. Karl Rove said if his father wasn't a Nazi, he wouldn't have any credibility with conservatives at all."

Father

"Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex."

Sex

"New Rule: Stop putting psychedelic screensavers on computers. I sit down to check my e-mail, and the next thing I know it's three days later, I'm in the desert, I'm banging on a drum, I'm naked, and somebody's pierced my dick."

Chaos

"Kadafi is a zombie in a pillbox hat, that's what he is!"

Satire

"New Rule: If an Evangelical tries to use Halloween to pimp Jesus to kids, they get to egg his house. On Halloween, the president of the American Family Association urged his flock to hand out a Christian-based comic book instead of candy. Excuse me, Halloween isn't a time to push your beliefs. You don't see me handing out pot to kids...Okay, well not the little kids."

Satire