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"Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing."
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"In the middle section of the book Mirabelle breaks into not one, but two houses near Belgravia Books. I had fun scoping these out - checking which windows looked least secure and figuring out how to scale the mews houses to the rear to get her inside. A man came out at one point, 'What are you doing?' he questioned me. 'The thing is, I'm writing a book,' I started with a smile. He waved me off, his hand as wide as a tennis racket. 'Everyone is writing a book, my dear,' he said. Between you and I, it's his house that MIrabelle ends up breaking into."

"Some writers write to forget. Some forget to write."

"I write because, as wonderful as life is - and it is truly wonderful - it isn't enough. It does not, for example, contain dragons. I find this unsatisfactory. So I read. And I write."

"After each of his books, the writer, for a while, feels once again that he can now die happy."

"In writing, you must kill all your darlings."

"And I don't want to begin something, I don't want to write that first sentence until all the important connections in the novel are known to me. As if the story has already taken place, and it's my responsibility to put it in the right order to tell it to you."
Explore more quotes by Dave Barry

"If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry."

"Don't you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don't even have to be true!"

"We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin."

"American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it."

"The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes."

"Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there's a good chance that nobody is reading my column."

"And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West."

"If you were to open up a baby's head - and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should - you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland."
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