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"When the Oakies left Oklahoma and moved to California, it raised the I.Q. of both states."
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"I have this cozy house here and I get three pensions from the States. I've done nicely."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Currently, most States do not recognize within their borders concealed carry permits issued in other States."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Any confrontation, such as a verbal one with the United States, would be harmful for everybody."
Author Name
Personal Development
"When the students were killed at Kent State, the cast voted to do a demonstration from the stage, and I abstained."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Every chemical reaction has a transition state."
Author Name
Personal Development
"But in the long run we're not going to be able to keep out of state trash away from Pennsylvania."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Iranians are very proud and don't want to become a pariah state like North Korea."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, the Empire State was about 40' high in the studio. King Kong was a little model about 2' high, and the scenery that he worked in was in proportion to his size."
Author Name
Personal Development
"No, the United States does not target civilians."
Author Name
Personal Development
"In my view, Arafat is the only Palestinian in the world that isn't willing to have an independent Palestinian state."
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Personal Development
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"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."
Art
"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
Government
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
Politics
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Funny
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
People
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
Ignorance
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
People
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Government
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