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"Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you."
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"Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they're not trying to keep up with you."
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Personal Development
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"Don't confuse fame with success. Madonna is one; Helen Keller is the other."
Success
"A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest."
Friendship
"A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat."
Friendship
"When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'."
God
"My kids always perceived the bathroom as a place where you wait it out until all the groceries are unloaded from the car."
Car
"Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth."
Car
"Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments."
Car
"Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated."
School
"My theory on housework is, if the item doesn't multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?"
Fire
"I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: "Checkout Time is 18 years.""
Time
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