"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Truth, Life, Power, Wisdom

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"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Poverty, Hunger, Choice, Necessity

"I never liked being a salesman. . . . Ever since I got my first two orders: Get out! and Stay out!"

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Rejection, Work, Job

Explore more quotes by Mokokoma Mokhonoana

"Interviews were invented to make journalism less passive. Instead of waiting for something to happen, journalists ask someone what should or could happen."

Media

"Being a 'good' parent is more about the parent, and, less about the 'supposedly-could-have-been-bad' child."

Parenting

"Give a typical employee a million, and, he is most likely to use the money to print his CV on fancier paper."

Work

"Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns."

Relationship

"Some books sold because they are (said to be) great. Some are (said to be) great because they sold."

Literature

"Eyes are a deaf man's ears. Ears are a blind man's eyes."

Perception

"The phrase 'You complete me' is nonsensical. A couple is a 'we' - not a complete 'me.'"

Relationship

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

"I never liked being a salesman. . . . Ever since I got my first two orders: Get out! and Stay out!"

Explore more quotes by Mokokoma Mokhonoana

"Interviews were invented to make journalism less passive. Instead of waiting for something to happen, journalists ask someone what should or could happen."

"Being a 'good' parent is more about the parent, and, less about the 'supposedly-could-have-been-bad' child."

"Give a typical employee a million, and, he is most likely to use the money to print his CV on fancier paper."

"It is childish to eat primarily or only to please your tongue."

"Sniffing glue is a homeless nonbeliever's prayer."

"Some wo/men are so possessive - you end up missing missing them."

"Many a woman would not be in a relationship with or married to her man, if he earned half of what he earns; and many a man would not be in a relationship with or married to his woman, if he earned twice as much as he earns."

"Some books sold because they are (said to be) great. Some are (said to be) great because they sold."

"Eyes are a deaf man's ears. Ears are a blind man's eyes."

"The phrase 'You complete me' is nonsensical. A couple is a 'we' - not a complete 'me.'"