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"Like almost everyone who uses e-mail, I receive a ton of spam every day. Much of it offers to help me get out of debt or get rich quick. It would be funny if it weren't so exciting."
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"I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog."
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Personal Development

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development

"I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating."
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Personal Development

"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye."
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Personal Development

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development

"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."
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Personal Development

"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."
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Personal Development

"There's folks 'ud stand on their heads and then say the fault was i' their boots."
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Personal Development
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"The U.S. couldn't even get rid of Saddam Hussein. And we all know that the EU is just a passing fad. They'll be killing each other again in less than a year. I'm sick to death of all these fascist lawsuits."
Iraq

"I'm sorry that we have to have a Washington presence. We thrived during our first 16 years without any of this. I never made a political visit to Washington and we had no people here. It wasn't on our radar screen. We were just making great software."
Reflection

"We are not even close to finishing the basic dream of what the PC can be."
Innovation

"I'm a great believer that any tool that enhances communication has profound effects in terms of how people can learn from each other, and how they can achieve the kind of freedoms that they're interested in."
Communication

"I think it's fair to say that personal computers have become the most empowering tool we've ever created. They're tools of communication, they're tools of creativity, and they can be shaped by their user."
Technology

"DOS is ugly and interferes with users' experience."
Unity

"As we look ahead into the next century, leaders will be those who empower others."
Leadership

"Life is not fair; get used to it."
Life

"If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25 cars that got 1000 MPG."
Innovation

"Whether it's Google or Apple or free software, we've got some fantastic competitors and it keeps us on our toes."
Competition
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