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"Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. 'That's what you get for leaving your wallet on the kitchen table."
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"He who destroys another person to succeed in life will have destruction awaiting him at the post of his success."
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Personal Development
"You will definitely reap whatever you have sown."
Author Name
Personal Development
"He thought about it for a minute. The kitty was only around seven thousand give or take a gold tooth and some coinage " minus the ship " which must've been worth well, a lot more than seven thousand, even in scrap metal. An alarm was going off somewhere, faintly."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Scream at the mangled leather carcass lying at the foot of the stairs, and my parents would roar with laughter. 'That's what you get for leaving your wallet on the kitchen table."
Author Name
Personal Development
"You get hit the hardest when trying to run or hide from a problem. Like the defense on a football field, putting all focus on evading only one defender is asking to be blindsided."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One moment of incompetence can be fatal."
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Personal Development
"Underestimate is the sign of getting fucked up."
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Personal Development
"Man has the power to act as his own destroyer-and that is the way he has acted through most of his history."
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Personal Development
"I figured, what harm could come from a little bit of fun? Crabs. The Canadian girl gave me crabs."
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Personal Development
"Some women would not have contracted an STD or STDs had they not been on the pill."
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Personal Development
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"Sometimes the sins you haven't committed are all you have left to hold onto."
Morality
"On my fifth trip to France I limited myself to the words and phrases that people actually use. From the dog owners I learned 'Lie down,' 'Shut up,' and 'Who shit on this carpet?' The couple across the road taught me to ask questions correctly, and the grocer taught me to count. Things began to come together, and I went from speaking like an evil baby to speaking like a hillbilly. 'Is thems the thoughts of cows?' I'd ask the butcher, pointing to the calves' brains displayed in the front window. 'I want me some lamb chop with handles on 'em."
Language
"I just looked at the pattern of my life, decided I didn't like it, and changed."
Change
"But instead I am applying for a job as an elf. Even worse than applying is the very real possibility that I will not be hired, that I couldn't even find work as an elf. That's when you know you're a failure."
Failure
"When asked 'What do we need to learn this for?' any high-school teacher can confidently answer that, regardless of the subject, the knowledge will come in handy once the student hits middle age and starts working crossword puzzles in order to stave off the terrible loneliness."
School
"I hoped our lives would continue this way forever, but inevitably the past came knocking. Not the good kind that was collectible but the bad kind that had arthritis."
Reflection
"Hugh and I have been together for so long that in order to arouse extraordinary passion, we need to engage in physical combat. Once, he hit me on the back of the head with a broken wineglass, and I fell to the floor pretending to be unconscious. That was romantic, or would have been had he rushed to my side rather than stepping over my body to fetch the dustpan."
Romance
"Each one of us is left to choose our own quality of life and take pleasure where we find it with the understanding that, like Mom used to say, sooner or later something's gonna get you."
Personal
"Mr. Mancini had a singular talent for making me uncomfortable. He forced me to consider things I'd rather not think about " the sex of my guitar, for instance. If I honestly wanted to put my hands on a woman, would that automatically mean I could play? Gretchen's teacher never told her to think of her piano as a boy. Neither did Lisa's flute teacher, though in that case the analogy was obvious. On the off chance that sexual desire was all it took, I steered clear of Lisa's instrument, fearing that I might be labeled a prodigy."
Satire
"On a busy day twenty-two thousand people come to visit Santa, and I was told that it is an elf's lot to remain merry in the face of torment and adversity. I promised to keep that in mind."
Humor
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