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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Personal Development
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"I wish our clever young poets would remember my homely definitions of prose and poetry; that is, prose = words in their best order; - poetry = the best words in the best order."
Poetry
"Plagiarists are always suspicious of being stolen from."
Being
"Works of imagination should be written in very plain language; the more purely imaginative they are the more necessary it is to be plain."
Imagination
"Advice is like snow - the softer it falls, the longer it dwells upon, and the deeper in sinks into the mind."
Advice
"The happiness of life is made up of minute fractions - the little, soon forgotten charities of a kiss or a smile, a kind look or heartfelt compliment."
Happiness
"To most men experience is like the stern lights of a ship, which illuminate only the track it has passed."
Experience
"Our own heart, and not other men's opinions form our true honor."
Man
"No man was ever yet a great poet, without being at the same time a profound philosopher."
Time
"Brute animals have the vowel sounds; man only can utter consonants."
Animals
"A mother is a mother still, The holiest thing alive."
Family
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