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"I never truly believed that human business was some serious thing."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
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"Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present."
Leadership
"Retaliation is related to nature and instinct, not to law. Law, by definition, cannot obey the same rules as nature."
Nature
"We turn toward God only to obtain the impossible."
Spiritual
"An intellectual is someone whose mind watches itself."
Wisdom
"I know of only one duty, and that is to love."
Love
"Your successes and happiness are forgiven you only if you generously consent to share them."
Success
"You have to be very rich or very poor to live without a trade."
Business
"In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."
Wisdom
"All modern revolutions have ended in a reinforcement of the power of the State."
Leadership
"The need to be right is the sign of a vulgar mind."
Wisdom
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