"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."

Father, Dad, Family, Brother, People

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"Apparently, one in five people in the world are Chinese. And there are five people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother, Colin. Or my younger brother, Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin."

Explore more quotes by Tim Vine

"With silly stuff, it's seventy-five percent confidence. I always tell people that it's because I'm nervous about getting that next laugh and I need to hear it. I always want to condense a joke."

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"Now you know those trick candles that you blow out and a couple of seconds."

Now,

"My house is a bit like a teenager's bedroom. The kind of pictures you have hanging up on your wall say a lot about you. I've got ones of Evel Knievel, Elvis and Starsky and Hutch, signed by David Soul."

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"I've just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I'll tell you what, never again."

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"I was reading a book... 'the history of glue' - I couldn't put it down."

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"I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy."

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"I sit in places like Costa Coffee in Banstead and write rubbish. I need a deadline. I think about the 44 tour dates and keep imagining standing in front of all these people. Then every day I write 15 jokes minimum."

People, Coffee, Day, Jokes

"I love acting, but it's all just a bonus."

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"Now, most dentist's chairs go up and down, don't they? The one I was in went back and forwards. I thought 'This is unusual'. And the dentist said to me 'Mr Vine, get out of the filing cabinet."

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"Black beauty - he's a dark horse."

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"My father was an American who could cuss in Italian and make an aria out of it. It was wonderful to watch. But then again, he was a Gemini. I believe in that stuff."

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"My dad had emphysema and both of my parents had chronic bronchitis and ended up with cancers - all smoking related."

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"My background is basically scientific math. My Dad was a physicist, so I have it in my blood somewhere. Scientific method is very important to me. I think anything that contradicts it is probably not true."

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"Afflictions are but as a dark entry into our Father's house."

Thomas Brooks, American Football Coach

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"An important impression was my father's one Sabbatical year, spent in England and Europe in 1937."

Philip Warren Anderson, American Scientist

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"Dad needs to show an incredible amount of respect and humor and friendship toward his mate so the kids understand their parents are sexy, they're fun, they do things together, they're best friends. Kids learn by example. If I respect Mom, they're going to respect Mom."

Tim Allen, American Comedian

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"And my father, being a good Swiss puritan, always really insisted that if I was going to be an actor, I shouldn't just be an actor, I should know about the whole process."

Rene Auberjonois, American Actor

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"My current companion, Gerard de Battista, is the father of my two sons."

Victoria Abril, Spanish Actress

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"To people who remember JFK's assassination, JFK Jr. will probably always be that boy saluting his father's coffin."

Michael Beschloss, American Historian

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"And my dad wanted me to play the trumpet because that's what he liked. His idol was Louis Armstrong. My dad thought my teeth came together in a way that was perfect for playing the trumpet."

Jackson Browne, American Musician

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