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Emo Philips

"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."

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"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."

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Donna Grant

"Often people display a curious respect for a man drunk, rather like the respect of simple races for the insane... There is something awe-inspiring in one who has lost all inhibitions."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"The last resort of kings, the cannonball. The last resort of the people, the paving stone."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"It is not true that people are naturally equal for no two people can be together for even a half an hour without one acquiring an evident superiority over the other."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"There are bad people who would be less dangerous if they were quite devoid of goodness."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating - people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing."

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Donna Grant

"We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones."

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Donna Grant

"I do give books as gifts sometimes, when people would rather have one than a new Ferrari."

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Personal Development

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Donna Grant

"If something in your writing gives support to people in their lives, that's more than just entertainment-which is what we writers all struggle to do, to touch people."

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Donna Grant

"Perhaps being old is having lighted rooms inside your head, and people in them, acting. People you know, yet can't quite name."

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Donna Grant

"Most people are nice and just want to have a chat."

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Emo Philips
"At my lemonade stand I used to give the first glass away free and charge five dollars for the second glass. The refill contained the antidote."

First

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Emo Philips
"My mother was like a sister to me, only we didn't have sex quite so often."

Sex

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Emo Philips
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""

Time

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Emo Philips
"The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks."

Evil

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Emo Philips
"Probably the toughest time in anyone's life is when you have to murder a loved one because they're the devil."

Life

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Emo Philips
"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."

People

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Emo Philips
"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

Boxing

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Emo Philips
"You know what I hate? Indian givers... no, I take that back."

Hate

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Emo Philips
"Actually, my cd was released in 1985, in return for two German missionaries and a Dutch urologist."

Missionaries

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Emo Philips
"In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some."

School

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