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"How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand."
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"A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths."
"People generally quarrel because they cannot argue."
"How long most people would look at the best book before they would give the price of a large turbot for it?"
"I find that most people know what a story is until they sit down to write one."
"You've got to clock the hours and pay your dues. Then eventually, people will come to you. You have to be patient and appreciative."
"Intellectuals are people who believe that ideas are of more importance than values. That is to say, their own ideas and other people's values."
Explore more quotes by Emo Philips
"I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well.""
"My classmates would copulate with anything that moved, but I never saw any reason to limit myself."
"I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!'"
"I was in a bar the other night, hopping from barstool to barstool, trying to get lucky, but there wasn't any gum under any of them."
"I love to go to the playground and watch the children jumping up and down. They don't know I'm firing blanks."
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