"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"

Mother, Hell, Property

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"I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, 'Get the hell off my property.'"

Exlpore more Mother quotes

"My father knew the charming side of my mother, and my mother thought that he was attentive and pleasant and was an architect, which was a respectable profession, but I don't think that they actually got to know one another deeply."

Christopher Durang, American Playwright

Mother, Father, Thought, Profession

"I have many memories of waking up to eat breakfast that my mother carefully prepared for us and her saying, what do y'all want for lunch, and as we're eating lunch, what do y'all want for dinner? It's always about the next meal."

Lisa Loeb, American Musician

Mother, Eating, Memories, Saying

"I don't remember my mother ever playing with me. And she was a perfectly good mother. But she had to do the laundry and clean the house and do the grocery shopping."

Patricia Heaton, American Actress

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"A mother is the most important blessing of your life."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Mother, Blessing, Love

"My mother wasn't rational those last years; if she had been, she would have been horrified by her own behavior."

Lorna Luft, American Actress

Mother, Behavior, Years

"My mother always called me an ugly weed, so I never was aware of anything until I was older. Plain girls should have someone telling them they are beautiful. Sometimes this works miracles."

Hedy Lamarr, Austrian Actress

Mother, Girls, Miracles, Ugly

"Necessity, the mother of invention."

George Farquhar, Irish Dramatist

Mother, Invention, Necessity

"The natural state of motherhood is unselfishness. When you become a mother, you are no longer the center of your own universe. You relinquish that position to your children."

Jessica Lange, American Actress

Mother, Children, Motherhood, State

"I praticed making faces in the mirror and it would drive my mother crazy. She used to scare me by saying that I was going to see the devil if I kept looking in the mirror. That fascinated me even more, of course."

Jim Carrey, Canadian Comedian

Mother, Devil, Faces, Saying

"I am no mother, and I won't be one."

Brigitte Bardot, French Actress

Mother,

Explore more quotes by Joan Rivers

"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."

Man

"My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy."

Audience

"I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor."

God

"I knew I was an unwanted baby when I saw that my bath toys were a toaster and a radio."

Baby

"Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God's gift, that's why we call it the present."

God

"It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom."

Sex

"I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again."

Bed

"My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash."

Dumb

"I'm Jewish. I don't work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor."

Work

"Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you."

Clothes